Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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