they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
