his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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