I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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