if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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