I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
