our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
