Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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