worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Someone signed my nipple.
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