i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
