Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
