Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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