after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
