Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
