you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
