He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
