i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
