Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
