all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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