how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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