Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
