Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
