Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It's just like the Real World with babies
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
