I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
