Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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