I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
where are you?
Hypothermia
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
