So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
