He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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