Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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