2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
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Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything