Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT