Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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