I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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