That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
