I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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