guys are only as good as the porn they watch
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
