you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
