I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
