god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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