Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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