i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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