I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
