I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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