afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
