you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
