it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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