A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
