Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work