I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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