Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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