So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Please, let me fuck your mom
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?