Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore

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  (703): i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore http://tfl.nu/70pj
  Replies (32) Good night (3104) Bad night (964)
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  (516): View more from New York

  you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.

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  (516): you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed (603): well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways. http://tfl.nu/oeiu
  Replies (7) Good night (2281) Bad night (635)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  it hurts more in the daytime

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  (512): it hurts more in the daytime http://tfl.nu/5j5m
  Replies (13) Good night (731) Bad night (2478)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.

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  (713): Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy. http://tfl.nu/uglu
  Replies (3) Good night (2673) Bad night (792)
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  (716): View more from New York

  The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"

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  (716): The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!" http://tfl.nu/wz9q
  Replies (14) Good night (2346) Bad night (817)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  Oh yeah that.

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  (781): WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND? (339): Oh yeah that. http://tfl.nu/clil
  Replies (50) Good night (2152) Bad night (5374)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.

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  (360): Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up. http://tfl.nu/js3s
  Replies (14) Good night (5233) Bad night (1391)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?

  (1-330): View more from Ohio

  she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.

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  (330): why is there cat hair all over my deoderant? (1-330): she wanted to smell more freshershest than you. http://tfl.nu/rk6z
  Replies (33) Good night (5960) Bad night (1778)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.

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  (708): I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me. http://tfl.nu/lj2n
  Replies (3) Good night (1311) Bad night (562)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.

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  (508): Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada. http://tfl.nu/kq1p
  Replies (5) Good night (391) Bad night (894)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo

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  (937): On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo http://tfl.nu/dcwu
  Replies (2) Good night (446) Bad night (690)
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I wanted to have tiny guns for tits

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  (506): I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers (506): I wanted to have tiny guns for tits http://tfl.nu/ic3h
  Replies (0) Good night (645) Bad night (348)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.

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  (210): Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE. http://tfl.nu/t6ru
  Replies (9) Good night (1243) Bad night (431)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?

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  (209): Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist? http://tfl.nu/g9wp
  Replies (3) Good night (779) Bad night (351)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.

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  (306): that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost. http://tfl.nu/j0b1
  Replies (0) Good night (774) Bad night (199)

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