help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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