I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
