ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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