i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
