Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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