Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
