I hate all girls vehemently.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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