bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
