I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
