Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
