Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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