Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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