I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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