You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Another day, another engagement, another cat
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
