i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
