remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
