dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
