Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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