Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
