My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just high enough for therapy.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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