I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
