I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
