I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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