Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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